When translations don't work!

Have a laugh

I just received this email and though it was a brilliant example of the importance of good quality translations!
I hope you enjoy it.
 
A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reads it whenever she feels depressed.

 

 Getting  There:

Our  representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to  the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel  pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are  getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend.  The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always  tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
 

The  Hotel:

This  is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled  nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social  games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
 

The  Restaurant:

Our  menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and  unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
 

Your  Room:

Every  room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In  winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony  offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be  disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel  and the lake is used only by pederasts.
 

Bed:

Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you  have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
 

Above  All:

When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no  hope. You will struggle to forget it.


Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin into English. This is not the way languages work. You have to understand the meaning of words depending context.  I came across some children's bilingual books that also seem to have applied the same principle so I have added a list of the many I am happy to recommend on my books and reviews page

Have you come across any funny translation? Please share them below and we can all have a laugh.