Confident parenting

Thank you Kirsten for letting me share this valuable information on my blog.   Confident Parenting: Lessons and Learning November, 2013

Topic: Why am I finding this so hard? This was a question I was asked recently in a post-natal group I was delivering to.  It came from a woman who prior to having her baby was in a highly professional, highly trained, highly stressful job and was excelling at it.  She was at a loss as to how this little bundle of love and light was rendering her completely incompetent! I sympathised, poured her a hot cup of tea and then asked her: why are you surprised? Just because you are a lawyer/ A&E consultant/ teacher/ designer when you have your baby, and successfully managing and thriving in that role, does not automatically mean you will cope as a parent. Why? You had training, learning, exams for your job. Years of it.  Most probably your only introduction to being a parent was watching your own parent you, watching a friend/ sister, and attending a 3 session antenatal class (and that really only talks about the delivery and a fraction of what comes after).  Why do you think you are not going to struggle and have dark days? There is no 'parenting training' and no baby manual. Being a teacher/ lawyer/ gardener provides some degree of emotional separation. You most probably do not teach your own children, represent your own children or garden for your own children.  When it is something of you and from you which is there making demands of you that you're not sure what they mean, it is different. It is difficult.  It is hard.  It can hurt so much more to feel so useless or unknowing.  There feels more at stake and you are emotionally invested in this little being more than you've been in anyone before. Your job probably had working hours.  Whether you had the odd overtime day or went in on the occasional weekend to catch up, there was still a break. Time out. Physical separation.  Parenting is 24/7.  Sometimes there can be no break, at all, for days...  It can be an incredible adjustment to try and make: having demands made on your time, energy, and body constantly. You can do it though- it DOES get easier!  I know that is a bitter pill to swallow when your baby has been crying for 37 hours and has been feeding for an hour, every hour. Right now you probably want to reach through the screen and throttle me with my own platitudes!  You don't want to hear that it will get easier, you want it easier now! Understandably. So here's a few ideas on how to do that: Take a few very deep and very long breaths. Drop your shoulders, relax your toes.  Breathe again. Allow some seconds to gather yourself together and get some distance and perspective.  Breathe again. Give yourself a break- literally and figuratively.  Knowing now why it is not an automatic given to be able to cope as a parent, stop being so hard on yourself!  It is not easy, there are no rules.  You can only do what you can, when you can.  And take a physical break: hand the baby over to someone in your support network, crying or not.  Go for a walk. Go to bed.  Whatever you need to do to feel recharged and calm, do it. talk to another parent. Go see a fellow mother, go to a baby group or have someone come to visit you. You may not feel like exposing your parenting inadequacies to the world but actually, admitting your struggles and sharing them with others, can be very healing and helpful.  You will feel you are not alone which may not solve your immediate problem but can be incredibly reassuring. remember who you were 'before baby' (bb) and connect with that.  As a teacher/ lawyer/ engineer you had numerous skills and talents, draw on them to help yourself through the difficulties.  Just because you aren't 'trained as a parent' doesn't mean all your other abilities are obsolete- you just need to be creative in using them to your own positive effect.  Also, it is helpful if you can, to reconnect with activities you used to do 'bb': arrange to go horse riding/ start knitting/ taking photos- whatever you used to do that was part of 'you'.  You may not be able to do the 3 day sea kayaking trips of old but a little bit of something is better than nothing and will ease the feeling of being completely disconnected with yourself. These are just some of the ways you can make things easier, now.  If you want to take a look at a more comprehensive range of suggestions, you will find tips for new parents on how to thrive rather than survive here.  Remember: parenting is so much about feeling your way as you go.  There is no other 'job' that dumps you in the deep end quite like parenting.  But you can do it. You can.   In calm and confidence, Kirsten Hanlon Mums and More UPCOMING EVENTS Webinars Control Your Critical Voice 6th November 8pm Build Your Parenting Foundation 27th November 8pm ABOUT Kirsten Hanlon (B.A. Education and Psychology, PG Dip Teaching, Dip LC, distinction) Kirsten Hanlon is creator and director of Mums and More. She is dedicated to helping and supporting parents in developing their parenting confidence, using gentle and practical techniques. Her parenting philosophy is not about perfect parenting; just parenting that is perfect for you. With training and experience in Education and Coaching, Kirsten runs a private practice in the Cotswolds, England and works with all mothers and new parents in building life-long parenting confidence. An author and speaker, Kirsten has also worked closely with local authority child-care professionals in developing their expertise relating to post-natal content and delivery. You can find all you need to know and more about Kirsten on https://uk.linkedin.com/in/kirsten-hanlon-04516724

5 good reasons to expose children to a second language early

Higher test scores: Numerous reports have proven that students who have studied a foreign language perform much better than their monolingual peers on many standardized tests.

Better and more advanced reading skills: A study undertaken by York University, Canada, suggests that bilingual children’s knowledge of a second language gives them an advantage in learning to read. 

Greater confidence: Children are always discovering new things, but learning a new language is a uniquely rewarding experience—at any age. 

Gives brains a boost: In a recent article in The New Yorker, Malcolm Gladwell quotes James Flynn, a renowned scientist, as saying "The mind is much more like a muscle than we've ever realized… It needs to get cognitive exercise. ..." Research into the effects of bilingualism on children suggests that exposure to more than one language is an excellent way of flexing those brain muscles—and building them up too! Bilingual children ... who had been exposed to a second language from an early age proved to have the most grey matter of all. Grey matter is responsible for processing information, including memory, speech and sensory perception. 

Greater grasp of one's first language—including a bigger, richer vocabulary: .... "The more children learn about a foreign language, the more they understand about their own language." Children use what they learn in one language to reinforce concepts and terms they've learned in the other.   

This is exactly how Michel Thomas teaches adults. See: 'what language do you think in?' post on 21st July 2012

Change of time for bilingual rhyme session

The 17th April  session will be at 3.30 rather than 3 pm

Venue: 5 Bibury Road, Old Walcot, Swindon, SN3 1DD, Wiltshire
Wed 17th April 3.30pm to 4pm
Mon 22nd April 2.30pm to 3pm
£3 per child (Ideal age 0 to 3)
Numbers are limited so please book you space to avoid disappointment. 2 places left.


FREE session no booking necessary.
Venue: Moredon Library, Swindon, Wilts
Fri 19th April 10am till 10.30


FREE session no booking necessary. 
Venue: Stratton Library, Swindon, Wilts
Fri 31st May 10am till 10.30

Christmas Carol causes havoc

Our son who was called 'a breath of fresh air' by his pre-school leader turned into a rebel after learning of Christmas carols for his pre-school play.

Aware of the impact the language children hear has on them, even unconsciously, I have always been very careful about the songs I have chosen to sing to him. I elected to avoid songs which talked about falling out of trees or beds and judge, braking and not being put back together again, sweets being better than reason and songs with any cruelty in them.

Our son was very good for his age, when it came to saying please and thank you. However around Christmas time I began to notice he was forgetting to saying please, was more impatient  and would say he wanted things right now. At first I thought this was just a phase and was not sure where it had come from, as it is not the kind of language we use at home, till we saw his Christmas pre-school play. They were singing we wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.  If you're not familiar with the words here they are: 

We wish you a Merry Christmas (x3)
and a Happy New Year.

Good tidings we bring to you and your kin
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Now bring us some figgy pudding (x3)
and bring some out here. (or, and bring it us here)

For we all like figgy pudding (x3)
so bring some out here.

Now bring us some figgy pudding (x3)

and bring some out here. (or, and bring it us here)

However in this version they sang: we all want a figgy pudding (3X) so bring it right now. They were also shown to stamp their foot when saying 'right now'.

It was then clear to me then, that my son thought that that was the way to get things and started behaving that way at home.

If I ever needed proof of the impact nursery rhymes, songs and everyday language has on behaviour this was it. It has taken just over two months to 'stamp out' this behaviour.

This is why I have chosen the nursery rhymes I translated into French very carefully and made some adjustments to the English version to make them more educational, more accurate (pigs don't eat roast beef) or to enable a rhyming translation. I hope you will enjoy them.

Radio interview on 25th March

Listen to me being interviewed by Gerry Reilly.
The programme is called 'mind your own business' and is all about local businesses and business news. 
Having been in my health business almost 20 years and starting a second business called Bilingual Babies, last July, I think I know a thing or two about business. You will be able to find out more about how all this came about!

Mon 25th March 2013 ,
6pm to 7pm.
Swindon Community Radio: 105.5 FM

Happy listening!

New bilingual rhyme session including free ones

Venue: Old Town Library, Swindon
Fri 5th April 2pm till 2.30
FREE session no booking necessary.

Venue: Moredon Library, Swindon
Fri 19th April 10am till 10.30
FREE session no booking necessary.

Venue: Stratton Library, Swindon
Fri 31st May 10am till 10.30
FREE session no booking necessary.

Venue: 5 Bibury Road, Old Walcot, Swindon, SN3 1DD
Wed 13th March 3.00pm
Mon 25th March 2.30 pm
Wed 17th April 3.00pm
Mon 22nd April 2.30pm
£3 per child (Ideal age 0 to 3)
Numbers are limited so please book you space to avoid disappointment.

To be kept up to date with venues and time you can now sign up on this blog. You will also be entered into a prize draw to receive a copy of my counting nursery rhyme book.

More dates, more French fun

Come along with your babie(s)/child(ren) and have some fun discovering some well known English nursery rhymes that have been translated into French  keeping rhyme and melody. 
No knowledge of French necessary!

Venue:  5 Bibury Road, Old Walcot, Swindon, SN3 1DD
 21st Feb 4pm, 28th Feb 3.30pm, 7th March 3.30pm
£3 per child (Ideal age 0 to 3)
Numbers are limited so please book you space to avoid disappointment. Only 2 spaces remaining


Venue:  West Swindon Library, Next to ASDA,
28th Feb 2pm till 2.30
FREE session no booking necessary.

Your support in spreading the word would be much appreciated and it would be wonderful to see you there and have your feedback if you are able to make it.

Contact Julie   Bilingual Babies~Bébés Bilingues on 01793 495551

I also have a face book page and blog page if you want to find out when the book&CD gets published and dates of future events.

Bilingual Nursery Rhyme TIME

Monday 11th Feb 2013  1.00pm  to 1.30pm 
£3 per child (Ideal age 0 to 3)

Old Walcot, Swindon, SN3 1DD

Come along with your babie(s)/child(ren) and have some fun discovering some well known English nursery rhymes that have been translated into French  keeping rhyme and melody. 
No knowledge of French necessary!


Numbers are limited so please book you space to avoid disappointment.

If you are interested and cannot make the date, please let me know, as other sessions are currently being organised and I can hopefully fit one in to suit you.


Toddler groups, (Pre)-school visits, one to one sessions can also be arranged.

Contact Julie on 01793 495551  Bilingual Babies~Bébés Bilingues